Fish and Chips - One, 1.

Sometimes I think the only way I can understand the way things were, is to go back to before I met you. There somewhere there, I think is the reason I found you. If, if, if…. If so many things hadn’t happened or had happened differently. If I had made some different choices before I met you, then everything would have been different or maybe nothing would have been? I am trying to remember where it was I first met you. Was it at that football club? Telfords must have been dull that night. I think I went there with Nadia that night, was that her name? I remember she was blonde and I thought she was my friend, I doubted that later of course. Anyway do you remember there was a crowd at the football club that night? Nadia must have known someone you were sitting with, a long table in the centre of the room. I have this idea I knew them but not very well but because you were there and Nadia was there I went up and sat myself down anyway and then I found myself flirting with you. You were quieter, tucked down the far end of the table. There is something about you, a sort of magnetism that makes me look your way and direct my talk to you. I want you to look at me and talk back to me. There are jugs of beer on the table but I was not a beer drinker then. Your mates are laughing at how I am flirting with you and then a friend of mine across the room yells out, “Party at Alice’s flat!” I laugh and say why not? You drive me in your old EH Holden sedan. There are people in the back. I am wearing yellow corduroy pants so it must be winter. In the morning I wake up fully clothed on my bed with you sleeping there next to me as if you belonged. I am a little scared of you and I wonder if you are dangerous or if you have tried anything? Once I wake up properly, I relax because there are people asleep everywhere in this pokey little flat. When did I see you again? I looked for you at the Radiators concert at the Institute. Did I see you there? Did you tell me to catch up with you afterwards at that party? I want to say in James Street but I know it wasn’t, though I think you always took James street to get there from the other side of the city though? I remember hoping that you would be there. I am pushing my way through people, familiar faces and unknown blurred together, the music gets louder as I walk down the hall, I probably mingle for a while then push through to the kitchen. I turn my back on the big guy who is trying to look down my top and in the end use my hip to force him out of the way. Then, you are standing there, quiet, solid. There isn’t much noise in here, whoever you are talking to has walked away, I haven’t even noticed their face. I am standing against a leadlight dresser and you are leaning, relaxed against the sink. We look at each other across the room, through the smoke that you blow out. You squint at me and almost smile, I notice that your eyes are very, very blue. Outside the party we sit in your car, I am feeling very happy to be here but a little apprehensive. There is a great unknown quantity about you, you slit your eyes and peer at me through the smoke, a soft almost cheeky smile on your face. I ask you what you do, you probably answer something stupid like “I play football”, when you know I mean what do you do for work, and then you say, “Guess”. I look at you and think, and then I say, “Train driver!” You choke on your smoke and laugh and say that someone has told me, but I say, “No, you are kidding, are you really?” You tell me that you drive a train in the coalmine. It seems to fit you like a glove. In the back of my mind I think of my sister saying you are not good enough for me, and I just want you all the more. As we sit there I am admiring the steering wheel and chrome finish on the dash, I have never been interested in cars but this one has a nice feel to it. You pull out a bag of weed, about an ounce; I have never seen a bag that big before. You are rolling up when suddenly this great big guy with black hair and a clipped beard climbs all over the bonnet leering at us through the glass. I am spinning out a bit but you are totally calm. You laugh softly then you pause and say “Aaarrgghh” and smile into your hands. You lock, then unlock the back door and he climbs in. “Harry”, you say by way of introduction.