Thursday, July 26, 2012

Missing the telephone.

Afterwards, I felt the raw emotion come out of my chest like a howl. This time I couldn't gloss it over and just pretend that this is how she always was. That this was her being her eccentric self, or her trying to play up her age for attention. I have done that before... This time all that came back at me and slapped me quite fairly in the heart. I feel almost as if I should report her missing. My mother wasn't at the other end of the telephone this morning. Someone else with her voice was there. Someone who didn't know who I was and who repeated sentences to me again and again. Oh we have had all the warnings. I have been told that it is inevitable now that dementia will steal her away, yet I can't accept it and I can't stop that choking lump in the back of my throat, that terrifying fear that this time my mother won't be okay again tomorrow and this time, she will forget me forever.