Thursday, November 20, 2008

Today is a big one....

It's funny how often I post in my head on this blog and yet nothing ever makes it to the screen, the words just swim away, lost forever in the ocean of my mind.

I wonder if anyone reads this anymore? It doesn't really matter, when it all comes down to it, my blog is for me, a little diary of my random thoughts and nowadays an occasional log on the momentous occasions in my life.

Today is a big one....

Today my baby boy graduates from high school! My beautiful, sensitive, intelligent, kind hearted super son is finishing high school and leaving home.

He could barely talk when we sent him to school for year one, we thought he might have some form of dislexia or deafness. He couldn't keep up with the other kids and he barely said a word. We sent him to a speech therapist and we worried about him constantly. When we tore him out of school halfway through grade 2 and dragged him around the world to live in Scotland, due to the different starting times for the school year, he had to go straight into year 3 over there. His teacher turned out to be a saint and set about making sure our struggling son made it through every day and it is thanks to her that his speech improved, his brain woke up and he became interested and engaged in the world around him. She is also responsible for the hint of a scottish accent that even after 10 years back in Australia still has people constantly asking him where he is from.

In just over a month he will be back in Scotland and I should make the effort to find out if that teacher is still working because it'd be nice if he could visit his old school again. Not only is my "little boy" finishing school and getting ready to move to the city for university in February but he is also flying alone to Europe for 5 weeks! I am gobsmacked really. He has friends in Munich who he is staying with for the bulk of the time, but is also flying to Edinburgh to see some old friends there and Ireland as well to see some relatives, all at 17! I am proud of his bravery but given that he has barely been away from home before for more than a week at a time I am rather overwhelmed by the enormity of this trip. For christsakes he was homesick during his week in the snow in September! How will he survive without me?.... Clearly it's me who's going to be the one not surviving!

Last night after the awards ceremony at his school where he got dux of geography(hope that means he won't get lost overseas) we went to the Noodle bar for some eats. One of the school brothers approached us there and made a point of telling us how much he liked and respected our son. I wonder if he knew that he was gay? I have really appreciated the kind and understanding environment that his catholic school has given him, the support they have shown as he has remained determined to be himself. One thing about my boy, NOTHING sways him from staying true to himself. I adore him for that.

So this is a big day. Will I cry at some point? Thinking of my gorgeous little boy as I trussed him up for his first day of school in January 1996. Will I get a little teary tonight as he dons his bow tie and pointy shoes and hits the dance floor at the grad ball? My baby, all grown up...

Next year he wants to study architecture at University in Brisbane. I am not sure if he will get in, it's a really popular course so the standards have to be very high. If he misses out he will probably do a BA - Geography. The thing is I think he is more suited to the geography course, I think he is too young to make such a big decision anyway but he is determined so i will let him be and let him find his own way. That's the best thing I can do for him, I think.

Meanwhile Wonder Daughter called me last night on top of the world. She just had one of her 1st year designs paraded in the Grad year fashion parade and after the show was over was approached by a Melbourne retailer wanting to stock her "range" She doesn't have one yet but she will. She has always had such fantastic responses to her work. She has chopped and changed in so many areas of her life so much over the last 3 years but the one thing that has remained contant for her is her passion for designing. It's times like these I think she will actually make a name for herself.

I shouldn't be sitting here writing anymore. Today the new kitchen is going in, or starting to go in at least. The house has been in shambles for weeks as we paint and hammer and scrub. It's due to go on the market next weekend....We are selling our home....I think?

Will we go ahead and sell? Will Super Son get into the course he wants at Uni? Will he be all right overseas for 5 weeks without me? Will I cope without him? Will Wonder Daughter and her lovely Mick Jagger lookalike boyfriend stay as happy as they have been? Will S's parents finally stop torturing him and will he start smiling again? Will I stop stuffing around renovating everything I can get my hands on and get a real job?

These and other questions in 2009...roll on new year...

Sunday, May 25, 2008

Romeo & Juliet

The best memories of all were when my siblings and I were all home from boarding school and perhaps my cousin James was out on a university break. We would spend the days sitting in the sunroom reading "Reader's Digest" jokes out loud to each other or trying to fathom a mind bender that my cousin had heard at Uni. I only remember one of these well. The idea was that he would give us a few details of a scenario and ask us to work out how it came about. We would ask him questions but he could only give us yes or no answers.
This time He said;

"Romeo & Juliet were found dead on the floor. How did they die?"

It took us a few days but eventually we worked it out. If you don't know this puzzle please feel free to ask away and 'play' with me.

I adored my cousin. He was a lot like my father I think, just a younger and better looking version. He had made quite a fuss of me when I was small and would swing me around and throw me up into the air then catch me again as I squealed with delight. I distinctly remember the visit when I had become too big for this kind of treatment and my adoration of him had begun to get on his nerves. In the sun room he gently but firmly refused my access to his lap, when I knocked on his bedroom door he ignored me and at dinner my excited chatter went unheeded and as he concentrated instead on whatever my sister was saying. I was gutted.

My sister was smug about it, a look of victory on her face, the same look she used to get when we were smaller and our great uncle favoured her over me. I didn't understand why Uncle preferred her but I can't remember it bothering me overly much. I had so much love from Grandma which Cassie clearly resented, our big sister Julie would always take my side and big brother Robert chose to bully me over her(It was easier I suppose) I can understand so clearly now how she felt so overlooked in our family and how my arrival, when she was aged four, unseated her so badly. This is why it was so easy for him, our great uncle, a man in his fifties who never married, to prey so evilly on that little girl. What strikes me now is the fact that although we all grew up in the same household with the same environment, our places in the family resulted in us having such monumentally different childhoods.

James has four lovely, well adjusted daughters of his own now, our uncle was killed in a car accident in 1976 at about the time of that holiday I guess.... and then there was Romeo & Juliet....

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Hope

Last night I dreamt a lot. I dreamt I was lying in a field staring at the sky and telling a companion how ridiculously wonderful my life is.

It's true.

I have been through many cycles in my life. Cycles from happiness to sadness, from stupidity and desperation through to determination and downright pot luck. I guess life is just like that. If I go back and read what I have written over the years, to me it is like a diary of my moods. A diary of sadness, because it seems the only time I can actually write properly is when I am sad.

Tomorrow I am going to Stradbroke Island for a whole glorious week. I am not taking my laptop. I am taking my journal, pens, pencils, pastels and a stack of books. I hope I can break my invisible, self diagnosed writer's block of happiness and bring something worthwhile back to post for you. Hope is a lovely word.